"You know that Johnny Wortzer kid,
The kid that delivers papers in the neighbourhood?
He's a fine kid.
Some of the neighbours say he smokes crack, but I dont believe it.
Anyway for his 10th birthday all he wanted was a burrow owl.
Kept bugging his old man, 'Dad, get me a burrow owl,
I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live'.
So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway ten thirty the other night I go out into my yard
And there's the Wortzer kid looking up at the tree
I say, 'Whaddya lookin' for?'
Says, 'I'm looking for my burrow owl'
I say, 'Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick,
Everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground,
Why the Hell do you think they call them a burrow owl anyway?'
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know
What the queers are doing to the soil?"

PUNK ROCK GIRL

We asked the waitress for some hot tea
The waitress said, "Well, no, we only have it iced"
So we jumped up on the tables
And shouted, "Anarchy."
And someone played a Beach Boys song on the jukebox
It was 'California Dreaming'
So we started screamin'

BORN TO LOVE VOLCANOES

Born to love volcanoes, seen 'em on PBS
Born to love volcanoes, this country is a mess
Every two minutes a girl gets pregnant, coz no one gives her the facts...
Maybe they need my money more than a bunch of pregnant teens.

I AGAINST OSBOURNE

I know there's no way to make them stop.
My house is surrounded by the cops.
They love to plant hidden microphones.
I find them, I clean up around my home.
I am sorry, yes I am.
I do not talk to strangers, ma'am.
You're part of this giant plot.
Please don't tell me that you're not...
My kids, must be part of the conspiracy
Mr. Rogers, works hand in hand with the KGB.

RINGO BUYS A RIFLE